(Revised) “If You’ve Ever Had a Coach Play Favorites, You Know Exactly How This Feels”

photo by Dreamstime

If you have ever played a sport, you have probably heard the same thing over and over again, work hard, and you will be rewarded. Practice harder. Put in more effort. Earn your spot. 

But what happens when that is not true? 

What happens when your coach already has favorites, and no matter what you do, you are stuck on the sidelines? Some people argue that coaches are not playing favorites and are simply choosing the best players to help the team win. Others believe favoritism can motivate athletes to work even harder. When players feel like things are unfair, the opposite usually happens. They lose motivation. 

Favoritism is something many athletes deal with, even if they do not always talk about it. It is frustrating, unfair, and can completely ruin the experience of playing a sport. Favoritism does not just affect playing time; it affects confidence, motivation, and the overall chemistry of a team. Coaches who play favorites are not simply unfair. They are hurting the entire team. Favoritism in sports is harmful because it lowers motivation, damages confidence, and weakens team performance. 

I have personally seen this happen. On my team, there were players who showed up early, worked hard, and genuinely tried to improve. They listened to feedback, supported their teammates, and did everything coaches usually say they wanted from players. Still, no matter how hard they worked, they barely got opportunities to play. 

At the same time, other players continued receiving chances even when they were not performing well. Eventually, it stopped feeling like decisions were based on effort or performance. It felt like everything had already been decided before the season even started. During a preseason meeting, our coach told us that hard work and effort would earn us playing time. Realizing that was not actually true was frustrating and discouraging. 

Once that feeling sets in, everything changes. 

picture from Getty images

At first, it is frustrating. Players start wondering what they are doing wrong. They work harder in practice hoping someone will finally notice. They push themselves more, thinking maybe things will eventually change. But when nothing changes, frustration slowly turns into disappointment, and eventually, players stop caring. 

Why give one hundred percent effort if it is not going to matter anyway? 

The problem is that favoritism does not only affect one player. It slowly spreads throughout the team. 

I saw this happen on my own team. When certain players kept getting picked over others no matter what happened in practice or games, some teammates started putting in less effort because everything felt pointless. Over time, it was like a poison spreading through the entire team. 

This directly affects team performance. If multiple players lose motivation, the entire team becomes weaker, not just individual players. 

Research from the Harvard Business Review shows that favoritism lowers morale and decreases motivation. When people feel like situations are unfair, they stop putting in the same level of effort. In sports, that becomes a serious problem because teams rely on trust. Players need to believe their hard work matters. 

Confidence is another major issue. 

Athletes need confidence to perform well. When coaches constantly favor certain players, they send a message to everyone else: you are not good enough. 

Research from the Journal of Applied Sport Psychology found that athletes who feel unfairly treated by coaches often experience lower confidence and perform worse during competition. This proves favoritism does not just hurt feelings; it has a real effect on performance. When athletes lose confidence, they become less aggressive, less willing to take risks, and less likely to perform at their best. 

photo by Style Caster

Sports are supposed to build confidence, not destroy it. 

Favoritism also damages team chemistry. Instead of working together, players begin comparing themselves to one another. Frustration builds, tension increases, and teammates stop supporting each other the way they should. 

That is not what a team is supposed to be. 

Strong teams are built on trust and fairness. Players need to believe that if they work hard, they will get an opportunity. Once that belief disappears, the team slowly falls apart. 

So, what can be done about favoritism in sports? 

First, coaches need to be held accountable. Favoritism is not a small issue; it is a leadership issue. Coaches are supposed to set the standard for fairness and respect. Organizations such as the National Federation of State High School Associations state that coaches are expected to treat athletes fairly and responsibly. 

Second, coaches should be more transparent about their decisions. Players should not have to guess why they are not playing. Simple communication and honest feedback can help athletes understand what they need to improve. 

Third, athletes should have a safe way to provide feedback. A lot of favoritism goes unchecked because players are afraid to speak up. Giving athletes a way to share concerns could help address problems before they become worse. 

           

                                                            photo by iStock

At the end of the day, sports are supposed to be about growth, teamwork, and effort. They are meant to teach lessons that go beyond the game, such as discipline, fairness, and resilience. When favoritism takes over, those lessons are replaced with frustration and doubt. 

No athlete should feel like their hard work does not matter. 

Because the truth is, it should. 

Every player deserves a fair opportunity.